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According to an iClicker poll in my PSYC 350 Psychological Aspects of Human Sexuality course, 88% of the dudes in my class have measured their penis.

Which means that 12% are either a) lying, or b) were sitting near a girl, and they were afraid she could see their thumb on the clicker button. A dude sitting in front of me used his gargantuan thumb to stealthily cover both the “A” and the “B” buttons on his clicker when selecting his response. (I know you picked “A: yes I have measured my penis,” you sneaky bastard.)

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So I don’t clog everyone’s newsfeeds with a hundred “shared” statuses, I’ll just list the ones that made me pee a little bit when I read them:

WHY did those glow sticks come visit me

I’d take care of hot potatoes

Now I am good at making Belgians feel so grown up

Et oui, mais c’est tout que je suis la reine de Cimitière d’Ixelles, l’ULB 15 minutes à bientôt!! Lemme know what I’m talking about!

Near Kits, possibly allergic to what books are available in Vancouver too, I usually just pretend you’re gorgeous too

red wine, ice cream truck with me

Je t’aime aussi, mes amies belges, 23 year for getting blackout drunk

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I like that when I google things, my top search results are always in French. I wonder if I can set my computer to do that in Canada too. (?)

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I can’t sleep. So here are some things I notice on a daily basis in Bruxelles.

1. Everyone uses sponges to wipe the chalkboards, which are cleaned in a bucket of murky, filmy, chalky water that sits on the floor. (What’s so wrong with chalk brushes, ULB??)
2. Chalk boards still exist! And are used! Every day!
3. Women do not use shaving cream to shave their legs, and it’s nearly impossible to find at the grocery store. (The ONLY shaving cream I ever found here came in a six pack, and was covered in a layer of dust at Carrefour, in the section of he grocery store reserved for steering wheel covers, batteries, computer accessories, alcohol and vibrators.)
4. They sell one kind of peanut butter at the grocery store, but a dozen varieties of Speculoos.
5. Green pants seem to be on trend right now.
6. Deodorant in bar form is impossible to find too. Everything is either spray or roll-on.

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I love you so so so much, you can’t even possibly imagine. This week, for no real reason, has been a nightmare roller coaster of confusion, anger, and enormous feelings of total inadequacy at everything, so I’m incredibly grateful that I have solid friends who know how to reassure me that life is pretty rad, my home will always be my home, and that it’s okay to be young and a total flailmess of emotions

I love you so so so much, you can’t even possibly imagine. This week, for no real reason, has been a nightmare roller coaster of confusion, anger, and enormous feelings of total inadequacy at everything, so I’m incredibly grateful that I have solid friends who know how to reassure me that life is pretty rad, my home will always be my home, and that it’s okay to be young and a total flailmess of emotions

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I hate every single thing about this stupid motherfucking university.

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"Est-ce que peux vous aider ? Vous attendez quelque chose ?" -clerk at the university bookstore

"Non, je juste… je mets ma… je mis…? ……je vais." -me

Sometimes I feel like I’m actually fluent, and that I’m totally killin’ it at being Belge, and sometimes I’m the derpiest anglophone that ever derped.

Derp.

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Beautiful weather —yay!!
Time to shave my legs —ugh.

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Omgggg fuck make this

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10am : Organize entire bedroom and line up homework on my desk in the order that I plan to work on it. Start up computer and open grammar notes on Word. Read one sentence of textbook, “La règle n’est pas qu’un instrument normatif.”

What does “normatif” mean? Better look it up. Open Wordreference and search “normatif.” While Wordreference is loading, open Facebook. Scroll through entire newsfeed. Realize I haven’t checked my email. Respond to all emails. Somehow get trapped in a string of Facebook chat messages. Remember that I haven’t posted my Mardi Gras photos yet. Post Mardi Gras photos. Tag all of them. Add descriptive comments. Respond to messages that people have sent me while I’ve been uploading photos. Think, “I can’t start taking notes until these are loaded!” Scroll through newsfeed again (maybe something new happened! It did! Kayla posted a photo of her cat wearing a heart-shaped hat! Lololol, comment on everything.)


Okay, photos are loaded. Sign out of Facebook and Gmail. Search “Dictionnaire français” and read another sentence of the textbook, “Elle est, depuis les années 1960 et la grammaire générative, un outil qui permet de créer des phrases et de donner sens à la grammaire.” Wow, that was long. And boring. Maybe I’m not ready to study yet. Search “Jenna Marbles.” Watch “Better names for animals.” Re-watch “Things I suck at,” because it always makes me feel better about myself. Look at clock. AAHH! It’s 12:00! Panic. Close Youtube window.

12 noon: Read another sentence of textbook, “La grammaire scolaire en a retenu des pratiques, notamment celle de la transformation.” Take a sip of coffee. Realize it’s cold because I made it at 9am. Microwave it. Decide I need a bathroom break. Respond to some text messages. Realize I haven’t checked Tumblr since a few days ago.

12:44: Fuck!